6. New Year

2006...

The aim was to see the fireworks explode over Edinburgh Castle and spend a few minutes oooing and ahhing at the pretty colours over the well known backdrop. In reality, it was far too cold and most people at the party were happy to stay warm with a whisky in their hand. It was my first New Years celebration without any booze and to be honest I quite happy with that. Just meant that I could watch everyone else get sauced up and do stupid things and then I could remind them about it the next morning. Also quite nice to wake up without a headache and empty wallet...I did have sore cheeks from laughing all night. Ish and Ouso made the trip up from London, however Ish spent 12 hours in an airport trying to get on a plane that would accept an expired Aussie drivers licence. The party man got in late that afternoon so was also good to watch the boys play catch up drinking!

Kas and I managed to make it to our cheap Ryanair flight without any hassles this time. I was asked at least 40 times if I had my medication with me. We enjoyed a few days in Paris and although we'd both been before, it was great to spend some time on our own and just be tourists. The snow that started when we arrived was right on queue and was very romantic...downside was standing in line for the top level of the Eiffel Tower for over an hour in 0 degree temperatures - that took the romance out of the air. The trip was far too quick and soon we were back at work...

I had managed to go a few days without thinking of cancer too much...was really trying to push in to the back of my mind and concentrate on getting better and getting on with life. I still have the occasional image or thought that won't escape my mind - I think it comes down to the pressure I feel to get answers...answers that could mean a potential cure. I was due to get an answer about my bone marrow donor in "January" but I am still waiting...hopefully I will find out if the 2 potential donors are a right match for me. It would give me a goal, something to push towards if and when I find out if I can have a Bone Marrow Transplant.

My blood tests this week were very good again with all the blood levels seeming quite 'normal'. I was expecting to get my 3 month bone marrow biopsy done on the Wednesday, however it tops off an anti-climax week for me now that I know they will be done in the next couple of weeks. Again, it's the pressure of wanting to get answers and get the ball rolling for recovery. I did get my PCR test done - not sure what it stands for but in general, it is an extremely sensitive blood test to find how effective the Gleevec (Cancer drug) has been and how suppressed the Leukaemia is at this stage. Will know answers for that one in three weeks...

That night Kas and I were just relaxing and chatting (probably how she thinks I'm so amazing and handsome - or my fart stinks) about my first blood test for the year and first one in 3 weeks when I heard a loud screech followed by a collision...metal on metal!! I thought, 'Shit, not again!' and we both jumped to our feet to have a look to find out what the noise was. Almost three months since the last accident out the front - this time a car had gone too fast around the corner and collided with a parked van. I was about to run down the stairs but luckily the guy got out of his car and was on the phone within seconds...no carrying anyone out of cars tonight!

Fingers crossed for the week to come. I don't think I am putting too much pressure on myself as it really is completely out of my hands. More than anything, I am staying focused and fully confident to continue fighting against the leukaemia that has tried to take over my body...and I do believe I will win. For now until I get a donor match, I will continue to torment and make it suffer inside of my body! Below I have attached something that I read often to keep me on track and to remind me always fight on...

"...the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short - again and again; who knows the great enthusiams, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who fails daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat..."